De Veritate

"When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart"

Monday, July 10, 2006

[Hebrews 2:1-18] Brother, Author of Salvation, and High Priest

(1) For this reason we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard so that we do not drift away from it. [2:1]


Although we have established that the Old Testament can be beneficial to us as Christians, just as it was to the early Christians, we must put the greatest amount of attention on Christ. It was his sacrifice that is so important, and it was his sacrifice that ushered in the New Covenant between God and man. If Christ is the key to understanding the Old Testament, and we can understand Christ in light of terms and metaphors of the Old Testament, then we must make him the object of our greatest attention. If we do not, we will be like a boat drifting away down the river from where it was once firmly anchored. We must remember and pay close attention to these three things: Christ was our brother, the author of our salvation, and our High Priest.

(3b) After it was at the first spoken through the Lord, it was confirmed to us by those who heard, (4) God also testifying with them, both by signs and wonders and by various miracles and by gifts of the Holy Spirit according to His own will. [2:3b-4]

The writer of Hebrews himself was of the generation who did not see or hear Jesus first-hand. He had to depend on the reliable witness of those who heard him. The message of salvation was taught first by Christ, next by those who heard him, and it is also seen in signs, wonders, miracles, and gifts of the Holy Spirit God has given. The prophets had of course prophesied about the coming of Christ, but now Jesus himself was on earth preaching the message of salvation. After Christ left, his message was carried on by the apostles and was proven reliable and true by the many miracles and signs that seemed to occur often in the apostolic age (Acts 2.43).

(2) For if the word spoken through angels proved unalterable, and every transgression and disobedience received a just penalty, (3) how will we escape if we neglect so great a salvation? [2:2-3a]

If the Law, given to us by angels (through Moses, the judges, the prophets) was the ultimate finality, no one would be saved. We must be careful, however, to not set the law in opposition to the saving work of Christ. The Law was an imperfect representation of the saving work of Christ that was to come. The Law could never save anyone, simply because no one was good enough all the time to fulfill all of its requirements. There was a need for something more. What if following the Law was all there was to it? What kind of life would that really be? If we could constantly keep our minds on the ultimate reality and sovereignty of God and the consequences of disobeying the Law we would quickly realize that we would never be good enough. And we would realize this every single moment of every day. Surely this is not the abundant life that Christ preached. Christ’s message was radical. He had come for a specific purpose – to make a new way. He was the Son of God, His exact representation, His essence, Himself. His purpose was not to throw out the Law – he himself said that he was not here to take away even the slightest penmark from the Law (Mt. 5.17). He was here to fulfill God’s ultimate plan for the salvation of mankind. Begun with the Law and the sacrificial system, now with the self-sacrifice of the ultimate “Innocent” God’s plan for the salvation of His people was brought to its ultimate finality. If we ignore this truth, this New Covenant, what does that do for us? The truth is still the truth.

(5) For He did not subject to angels the world to come, concerning which we are speaking. (6) But one has testified somewhere, saying, "What is man, that You remember him? Or the son of man, that You are concerned about him? (7) You have made him for a little while lower than the angels; You have crowned him with glory and honor, and have appointed him over the works of Your hands; (8) You have put all things in subjection under his feet." For in subjecting all things to him, He left nothing that is not subject to him. But now we do not yet see all things subjected to him. (9) But we do see Him who was made for a little while lower than the angels, namely, Jesus, because of the suffering of death crowned with glory and honor, so that by the grace of God He might taste death for everyone. [2:5-9]

Through Christ’s death he was glorified. He is given rule of the “world to come.” This probably means the millennial reign of Christ in the Messianic kingdom. As we can see in the book of Daniel angels were given charge of the administration of this world (Dan. 10.20, 21). These angels were not necessarily all good, but they were made rulers nonetheless. Now Christ, by being made Heir, is given rule over the world. As verse 8 says, everything is now “put under his feet.” This reign began with Christ’s resurrection and subsequent enthronement at the right hand of God in Heaven and will reach its fulfillment at the time when Christ comes back for his people. While Christ was the Son of God, verse 7 says that he was made the son of man, a little lower than the angels for a time. This means he was made like you and me – human, flesh and blood. His humanity gave him the opportunity to die, and in doing so “tasted death for everyone” (verse 9). Now he is given the highest honor in Heaven, much higher than any of the angels.

(11) For both He who sanctifies and those who are sanctified are all from one Father; for which reason He is not ashamed to call them brethren, (12) saying, "I will proclaim Your name to My brethren, in the midst of the congregation I will sing Your praise." (13) And again, "I will put My trust in Him." And again, "Behold, I and the children whom God has given Me." [2:11-12]

Christ and man were made one. Christ was our brother. Just as all humans die, so Christ must die to save us. Christ is the Son of God; we are God’s children. Since we can both call God “Father” Christ can call us “brothers.” The quote in verse 12 is one that all Christians of the author’s day and even all Christians in our day would agree Christ is speaking. It is a quote from Ps. 22.22, and in the beginning of this psalm can be found the words Jesus spoke on the cross: “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” The relevance of verse 12 in our study though is that Christ calls us brothers. By calling us “brothers” he is saying that he was flesh and blood. The encouragement that the humanity of Jesus can give to Christians who are tempted or are suffering is staggering. We can follow Christ’s ultimate example of “trust” in God, as is said in verse 13. All men and women, since we are human and therefore limited beings, have to trust God. While Christ was here on earth he also had to trust God and in His ultimate plan, and he did so even when he was being persecuted and suffered. The inner struggle of Jesus while he was in the Garden of Gethsemane (esp. Lk. 22.42-44) comes to mind. Jesus said, “Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done.” That is supreme trust. Christ chose to go fulfill what he had been sent to earth to do, even in the face of the greatest temptation to choose an easier way out.

For it was fitting for Him, for whom are all things, and through whom are all things, in bringing many sons to glory, to perfect the author of their salvation through sufferings. [2:10]

God’s plan was that Christ would make salvation for mankind by means of suffering. Without the suffering and death of Christ sin could not have been erased. It is that simple. The phrase “author of salvation” in verse 10 is an interesting phrase. The seemingly strange placement of the word “author” here to describe Jesus gives a vivid image. The word in Greek can also be translated or understood as “pathfinder”, “pioneer”, or “trailblazer.” Christ pioneered our salvation, he made a way for us, and he leads us in it.

(14) Therefore, since the children share in flesh and blood, He Himself likewise also partook of the same, that through death He might render powerless him who had the power of death, that is, the devil, (15) and might free those who through fear of death were subject to slavery all their lives.[2:14-15]

Man was paralyzed by the fear of death, the fear of separation from God forever. But by his death, Christ was able to destroy this fear and “render powerless” Satan, who held the power of death. The fear of death can be a strong motivator. It can make people do things that would normally be out of character for them. As Christians who place our faith in the resurrection of Christ and believe that we have a place with him in eternity, death doesn’t have the same power over us. For us, death has a different connotation. Death of the body means liberation from this world, and it means an eternity spent with our Creator.

(17) Therefore, He had to be made like His brethren in all things, so that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. (18) For since He Himself was tempted in that which He has suffered, He is able to come to the aid of those who are tempted. [2:17-18]

The suffering of Christ was also necessary for him to be an understanding High Priest for us, as is said later in this chapter. Christ shared our experiences. Only after a person’s sin has been dealt with can he or she confidently approach God. The high priest was the representative of the people before God, and his sole responsibility was to make atonement for their sins. Also, by sharing in our humanity and experiencing what we experience Christ can also be an example to Christians who are suffering. Because of Christ’s role as High Priest, we can be confident that our sin has been dealt with. He is our mediator between us and God in that, being completely sinless himself, he can approach God, and he has also made atonement for our sins, not like the symbolic and imperfect sacrifices of the previous high priests but by sacrificing himself, removing the need for further atonement. All previous sacrifices were merely symbols for the sacrifice Christ made.

Christ was our brother, the author of our salvation, and our High Priest. Christ was human, and we can see this in his temptation and his suffering. He effectively endured the temptations that are common to mankind. He also endured temptations in his ministry. He was tempted many times to choose a less costly way of fulfilling his mission on earth other than death, but he resisted (Mk. 3.21; 8.32, 33; Matt. 4.10) and carried out God’s plan. Christians were and are still today enduring both common human temptations and also temptations to choose the easy way out of doing something God has called them to do. We can take strength from the fact that Christ not only was tempted similarly to us but even had to endure much more in his charge to fulfill God’s purpose. And he not only endured but also overcame these temptations effectively.

(This was taken from the college Bible study I led on Hebrews on Sunday night, July 2, 2006 at University Baptist Church, Houston, TX.)

Sunday, June 25, 2006

[Hebrews 1:1-14] Why do we keep the Old Covenant laying around?

Why not throw out the Old Testament? What relevance did it have for the early Christians? What relevance does it have for us today? If there was a New Covenant ushered in by Christ, why do we still keep the Old Covenant laying around? These are the questions that the study of the Epistle to the Hebrews addresses. It is an argument for Christianity in the light of, and even using the language of, Old Testament Hebrew rituals and practices.

No one seems to know very much for certain about the background of this letter. The general consensus is that it was not written by Paul, as many of the other New Testament epistles were. This is due to many reasons. One of which is that the letter is anonymous which is very unlike Paul’s other letters. Another difference is in the style of Greek used in Paul’s letters and in the Epistle to the Hebrews. Other suggestions for authorship include Apollos (of whom we find reference at Ephesus and Corinth), Luke, Jude, and Pricilla. The bottom line is that no one knows for sure. Nor does anyone know for sure who the letter was intended for. It could have been intended for a large church, such as the church in Rome, or for a small house church. The target audience could have been almost anywhere and anyone. It seems, based on the heavy emphasis on Jewish practices in the letter, that it would be addressed to Jews recently converted to Christianity. Or it could be addressed to a group that had split off from the main church or had started a house church. These could have been men who had previously enjoyed a position of esteem within the synagogue but were disappointed when their position did not translate into the Christian church. This may have been leading some to convert back to Judaism. Or it could be written to recent Gentile converts who were seeking to understand the Old Testament in the light of Christianity. These Christians would not have had a formal canon of scripture yet other than the Hebrew scriptures, and therefore the writer of Hebrews seeks to explain Christianity and with it the fulfillment of God’s redemptive plan by using the Old Testament scriptures.

Whoever wrote the letter and to whomever it was addressed, there are several purposes that are evident. First, Hebrews seeks to answer the great theological question, How can we approach God? It is also a reassurance for recently converted Jews whose religious rituals had been a celebrated part of their culture for so long. Christianity did away with almost all of these, and having to adjust to a new life apart from them must truly have been a strange reverse culture shock. Also, as Judaism was an officially recognized religion in the Roman Empire and at this time Christianity was not, new Christians would have been facing various types of persecutions, leading to a strong temptation for them to convert back to Judaism. This letter urges these new Christians that whatever suffering they might endure is made up for by following Christianity and by believing the thing it is built upon – the greatness of Christ’s sacrifice. The writer argues that now there is a better temple, a better priesthood, a better sacrifice, and better covenant. In these ways the letter was a great comfort to the new Christians and can be the same for us today. Hebrews is an attempt to explain the relevance of the Old Testament from a Christian standpoint in a Hellenistic world, and the key to explaining the Old Testament is Christ. This also helps Christians today understand the relevance of the Old Testament.

I personally seem to have a strong attraction to history. I can’t say that I’ve always felt like that, but only now after I feel like I’ve grown up and matured a bit do I start to feel it’s tug. History for me is kind of like a movie. I can put myself in the situation and almost experience it, and after I dig around a little I feel like I can take away something that will really help me in life, not just gain some abstract head knowledge. I’m a firm believer that the past, history, has always had some bearing on the present. It’s easy to always be thinking about our to-do lists and what’s coming up – this is future-thinking. Thinking about events in the past, like our memories about them, is forgotten sometimes. But everything that has come before has led us to where we are today and in some sense determines what will be on our to-do lists tomorrow. The same is true with the history of nations, and like us, the first century Jewish people’s national history had been determined by the events that can be found in the Old Testament. The Hebrews had a long history of suffering, but it is also a long history of God’s hand leading them through these sufferings. This particular history of the Jewish people can be beneficial for Christians in that it provides us with a way of understanding how we can approach God and also how God leads his people.

God, after He spoke long ago to the fathers in the prophets in many portions and in many ways, in these last days has spoken to us in His Son, whom He appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the world. And He is the radiance of His glory and the exact representation of His nature, and upholds all things by the word of His power. When He had made purification of sins, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, having become as much better than the angels, as He has inherited a more excellent name than they. [1:1-4]

In the Old Testament God spoke through prophets and through other indirect means such as angels or miracles. But now, with the coming of Christ, God speaks to us directly. The father-son analogy of God the Father and Christ the Son cannot fully be understood if we think of it in human terms. There has never been and will never be a human son who is completely like his father in every way. Children receive genes from both their father and mother. Christ, however, is perfectly like God, his Father. He is the exact representation and the very essence of God. Understanding this, the coming of Christ to earth can only be thought of as a mind-blowing encounter of the Divine with humanity. God no longer speaks to his people through indirect means – now he speaks directly having sent his very essence into the world.

While Christ’s purpose in this world while he was here in the flesh was to die for our sins, his purpose now is to “uphold” the universe. The Greek word used here for “uphold” can also be translated as “sustain,” which carries with it, at least in my mind, the idea of Christ’s hands being in every little thing, working them and keeping them going on the proper course. The Deists hold that God is simply like a watchmaker and the universe is like a watch. God created the universe and now sits back and does nothing as the universe, like a watch, runs on its own. This is not the view described in Hebrews. Christ does not hold up the universe like some monumental Atlas, but rather holds it together and sets everything on its proper course, the course God has planned for us. As Christ holds everything, sustaining it in its proper course, he sits, as verse 3 says, “at the right hand of the Majesty on high.” This is his place as he reigns as God’s heir. In saying “he sits”, the writer is denoting that an action has been completed – namely, Christ’s sacrificial work. Sitting at the “right hand” is sitting at the place of honor. This gives Christ the ability to be our intercessor.

With a widespread preoccupation with angels in the Christian and Jewish community at the time, the writer of Hebrews needs to show that the message delivered through Christ is much greater and carries more authority than those messages (such as the Law, as is described in Acts 7.53) previously delivered by angels. Angels were held in high regard in the Qumran community and even worshiped at Colossae (Col. 2.18). The need to establish the superiority of Christ would be paramount if they were to avoid worshiping Jesus on the same level as angels. The difference in rank can be found in names. The name “angel” denotes the high rank and status of a divine messenger, but by attributing the name “Son” to Christ the idea of an intimate relationship emerges. This intimacy is the highest relationship. Philippians 2.9 says that God bestowed on Christ the “name that is above every name.” By making purification of sins, Christ has come into his name, fulfilled his destiny, and become superior to the angels in heaven.

For to which of the angels did He ever say, "You are My Son, today I have begotten You?" And again, "I will be a Father to Him and He shall be a Son to Me"? And when He again brings the firstborn into the world, He says, "And let all the angels of God worship Him." And of the angels He says, "Who makes His angels winds, and His ministers a flame of fire." But of the Son He says, "Your throne, O God, is forever and ever, and the righteous scepter of His kingdom. You have loved righteousness and hated lawlessness; therefore God, Your God, has anointed You with the oil of gladness above Your companions." And, "You, Lord, in the beginning laid the foundation of the earth, and the heavens are the works of Your hands; they will perish, but you remain; and they all will become old like a garment, and like a mantle You will roll them up; like a garment they will also be changed. But You are the same, and Your years will not come to an end." But to which of the angels has He ever said, "Sit at My right hand, until I make Your enemies a footstool for Your feet"? Are they not all ministering spirits, sent out to render service for the sake of those who will inherit salvation? [1:5-14]

In quoting the passages from the Old Testament in vv. 5-13, the writer of Hebrews takes them out of their original context and uses them as an address to Christ. Originally they were addressed to an Israelite king, but for the writer of Hebrews, they can be used to refer to the Messiah. This is was not a new thing. The gospel of Matthew does the same thing in Matt. 2.15. The idea is that if God has a different sense of time than man (2 Peter 3.8 says, “with the Lord one day is like a thousand years”) a prophesy can have both an immediate relevance and a complete fulfillment at a later point in time. The bottom line is, though, the Old Testament scriptures held a position of great authority in the early Christian church.

The writer of Hebrews presents God as saying five things about Christ. First, God calls Christ His Son. The two quotes from verse 5 are taken from Ps. 2.7 and 2 Sam. 7.14 respectively. Both of these quotes from the Old Testament were well known to the early Christians and were understood to be Messianic. Paul also refers to the first quote in Acts 13.33 when he is preaching to both Hebrews and other “God-fearers”. At this same time he attributes the phrase “today I have begotten you” to the resurrection of Christ. Understood as applying to the Messiah, this quote puts Christ on a higher level than angels and men. As I have stated above, when God applies the name “Son” to Christ He is putting him at a higher status than anything else. A carpenter would hold his son in much higher esteem than he would hold a table he had carved, even though he had created both of them. The carpenter’s son was actually a part of him, and this gave the son a higher status. Second, God commands all of the angels to worship Christ. The quote the writer uses here is from a Septuagint translation of Deut. 32.43. Third, God recognizes the royalty of Christ. This royal imagery can be found in the use of “the righteous scepter” and in the anointing described here. Indeed, the very name “Christ” means “The Anointed One.” Another interesting note in this quote is that Christ is the only one who has ever completely loved righteousness and completely hated lawlessness. Fourth, Christ was one with the creator. He was there “laying the foundation of the earth” and making the heavens. Fifth, as I have said above, Christ sits at God’s right hand, giving him a position of honor and the ability to intercede for us. None of the angels have this place of honor.

God only says two things about the angels. First, they are ministering spirits. Second, and similar to the first, they are sent to serve those who receive salvation. Angels are merely for the purpose of carrying out the Father’s wishes whereas verses 8 and 9 show that the Son’s purpose is ruling.

The Old Testament did have relevance for the early Christians in that it held authority as scripture, and it also was able to help them understand how Christ acts as a mediator for us. In both of these senses it holds relevance for us today as well. Later studies in Hebrews will show how Christ acts as a High Priest for us and how we can follow his example in persevering through temptation.

(This was taken from the college Bible study I led on Hebrews on Sunday night, June 25, 2006 at University Baptist Church, Houston, TX.)

Thursday, May 11, 2006

"For the Purpose of Godliness"

Back when I spent a year at OBU I was in a small group Bible study, one of many that met every week. The groups were very small, usually only about four or five, and were formed during the week before the semester started. They were led by two students usually a year or two older than the others. These two leaders were to become a strong influence in my life over the next year; especially one ― Joshua Greever. He became a spiritual mentor to me and opened my eyes to many aspects of theology and life I had never thought about before. I owe much of my love and respect for the Church Fathers and giants of Christian faith to him. Anyway, we began studying through a book called Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life by Donald S. Whitney. Going through this book with my small group of only three other people was an amazing experience, and I grew spiritually in an exponential way through the study. I have been thinking a lot about this book over the past few weeks, and I decided to pick it up and go through it again. Each chapter in the book covers a different spiritual discipline, and my plan is to go through a chaper per week, practicing each discipline and building on the other disciplines as I go. And I'd like to share my experiences ― the struggles and the successes ― with you all. Perhaps it will inspire others to take the journey with me.


"Ours is an undisciplined age . . . We need the rugged strength of Christian character that can come only from discipline." [V. Raymond Edman in The Disciplines of Life]

There is a basic attitude toward discipline in our world today, and that attitude is often wrong. This attitude says that discipline is drudgery. However, all that is needed to actually make this a true statement is a simple insertion of a few words. A correct statement would read: "Discipline without direction is drudgery." When discipline becomes dreadful it is often because of a lack of direction. What is the discipline really working toward? When practicing any discipline, we must always keep in mind the ulitimate goal of our discipline. It is the same with spiritual disciplines. Unfortunately the real, practical value is often not realized or it is unclear.

We must remember this: The final goal of all of the spiritual disciplines is conforming to Christlikeness (look at Rom. 8:28 and 1 John 3:2). This is the final goal, but there is work to be done until we reach this goal. We must actively continue to grow. We cannot simply sit around and wait for Christlikeness to come to us, we have to pursue it (look at Heb. 12:14). Discipline is the method that we must use to grow until we reach the final goal (look at 1 Tim. 4:7). Think of this: the spiritual disciplines change from drudgery to delight when we remember the goal. The importance of keeping this goal ― the goal of conforming to Christlikeness ― in mind is paramount.

There are three major things God can use to change us and make us more Christlike. First, He uses people ― both friends and enemies ― to chage us. Second, circumstances in our lives change us. Third, the spiritual disciplines change us. Unlike the other two, however, the spiritual disciplines work from the inside out. While we can act out the spiritual disciplines, we are acted upon by the other two ways God can use to change us. Also, ulike these other two ways, we can choose our level of involvement in the spiritual disciplines.

We must always remember that while we are allowed a measure of choice in our practice in the spiritual disciplines, growth in holiness is a gift (look at these verses: John 17:17, 1 Thess. 5:23, Heb. 2:11), and they are a way which we can place ourselves before God to allow him to work in us. By practicing the spiritual disciplines we place ourselves in God's path, and they are a way we can seek him. Consider this quote from Charles Spurgeon:

"I must take care above all that I cultivate communion with Christ, for though that can never be the basis of my peace ― mark that ― yet it will be the channel of it."
In practicing and cultivating the spiritual disciplines in ourselves, we must take Christ as our ultimate example. We must follow his stregth of character. We must pursue God and holiness purposefully. Whitney says that "those who only learn accidentally and follow incidentally are not true disciples." People who are undisciplined may be a "mile wide" spiritually but they are only an "inch deep."

Spiritual disciplines have been practiced by God's people ever since Biblical times. Consider these giants of the Christian faith: Augustine, Maritn Luther, John Calvin, John Bunyan, Jonathan and Sarah Edwards, Charles Spurgeon, and George Muller. These Christian thinkers and reformers, arguably some of the most Godly people in Church history, were also some of the most disciplined. Let us follow their example.

As I ended this first chapter in the book I was struck by two ideas Whitney presents. First, talent or giftedness without discipline is worthless. Christians are given "spiritual gifts," things that are part of their nature and that when used make them most effective in the kingdom of God. But these gifts are no good if we simply sit on them and do nothing. We must cultivate them. A person may have a natural aptitude for playing the piano, but unless he sits down and practices regularly he will not be any better than those who have little or no talent at playing the piano. I was also struck with the idea that there is actually freedom through discipline. This can be most clearly seen, again, in the example of a musician. After he has disciplined himself to practice his instrument, the musician will become proficient at it. After this he will be free to play whatever he wishes and even write his own music. This freedom only comes through discipline though. If we remember this principle in practicing the spiritual disciplines we will realize that they will make us free to commune with God on a deeper level and free to develop in holiness.

These are my first thoughts while reading through the first chapter of this book. Over the next few months, I will be trying to apply the various spiritual disciplines that Whitney discusses in his book. Wish me luck.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Primus Libellus

The quest for knowledge, and with it the quest for God, is, I believe, the most noble journey we can undertake. As the title of this blog suggests, I will be writing about my personal experiences in trying to find and chase after truth, knowledge, and God. Indeed, the very title means "concerning truth." I am well aware that not everything I write here will be correct all the time, but the one thing I can assure you of is that I will always be trying to find the truth in whatever I am discussing here. This blog is meant to stimulate thought and conversation through what I myself have been personally experiencing or thinking. Take it cum grano salis.

Knowledge can be illusive, and the search for it can be a tiring and daunting task, but ignorance is the enthrallment of man. I ran across a certain poem while reading Catullus that really echoed some of my feelings toward this search. Catullus was a Roman poet who is famous for his risque (to say the least) verse. His poems were even forbidden from being written down and preserved by the scribes in Christian monasteries, and his poems nearly disappeared. But for some figures in the early church, his poems could actually be read allegorically, representing a Christian's relationship with God. This is kind of hard to swallow due to just the sheer amount of sexuality in the poems, but this particular poem stood out to me. When I read it, I imagine the author speaking not to Camerius (who it was written for) but to Knowledge or God.

Not though I should be molded in brass like the fabled warder of Crete,
not though I were to soar aloft like flying Pegasus,
not if I were Ladas or wing-footed Perseus,
not if I were the swift snow-white pair
of Rhesus' horses could I overtake you:
add to these the feather-footed and the winged gods,
and with them call for the swiftness of the winds;
though you should harness all these, ..., and press them into my service,
yet I should be tired out to my very marrow,
and worn away with frequent faintness,
while searching for you, my friend.

[Catullus LV, lines 23-32]